When my father passed away in January, I was nine years old.
My mom was suddenly a widow with three kids. Nine, six, and four.
Everything changed.
Shortly after, my grandfather pulled me aside and said, “You’re the man of the house now.”
I do not know whether he meant it literally or symbolically.
But I took it literally.
Whether anyone formally assigned me more responsibility or not, I felt it. I was the oldest. That meant something.
That spring, organized sports started. Then more sports after that. My mom had a simple philosophy. Keep them busy playing sports so they are too tired to get into trouble when they get home.
It worked.
But what stayed with me was not just the activity.
It was the structure.
The List
You would wake up in the morning and there was a list.
Chores that had to be handled before you could go out and play.
Vacuuming. Trash. Cutting the lawn. Starting dinner. Dishes.
Whatever was yours, it was yours.
You did not negotiate it.
You did not delay it.
You did not say, “I’ll get to it tomorrow.”
You handled it first.
Then you could go play.
To this day, I operate the same way.
Every morning I make a list of what needs to be handled before I go out and play. Client calls. Issues. Follow ups. Conversations that cannot sit. Decisions that move things forward.
Handle the responsibilities first.
Then move.
That discipline has allowed me to accomplish more than most. Not because I am smarter, but because I do not wait for deadlines to create urgency.
In our profession it is easy to become due date driven. If it is not due, it is not pressing. If it is not pressing, it can wait.
But clients do not hire us for “it can wait.”
They hire us to anticipate. To think ahead. To act before something becomes urgent.
And firms do not hire employees for “I’ll get to it tomorrow” either.
If you are a student entering this profession, understand this early. Procrastination is not neutral. It affects teams. It affects clients. It erodes trust.
The professionals who move fastest in their careers are not always the smartest.
They are the ones who handle what is on the list before someone has to ask.
Ego can whisper that you are too important for small tasks or that tomorrow is fine.
Discipline ignores that voice.
Roles at Home. Roles on the Field.
We had roles in the house.
No one debated whose job mattered more.
The house worked because everyone handled their part.
Team sports reinforced the same lesson.
Everyone has a position.
Not everyone scores.
Not everyone gets recognition.
But if someone freelances or ignores their assignment, the team breaks down.
That perspective shaped how I approach leadership.
You play your role.
You respect other roles.
And you remember the team only works when everyone does their part.
Early in My Career
When I was in my twenties and thirties and started pursuing new business, I wanted to bring in clients.
I prepared. I believed in what we could deliver.
But I also knew I did not have much gray hair.
At the time, I doubted I would ever have gray hair.
I was right.
I am completely bald now.
But back then perception mattered.
So when I met with prospects, I brought Marvin Alloy, Ray Silverstein, or whoever was the right partner. Whoever had the experience, the credibility, the gray hair. Whoever gave us the best chance to land the account.
Not because I lacked confidence.
Because I wanted to win.
The objective was never to be the hero.
It was to put the strongest team in the room.
Listening Before Deciding
As I have moved into larger leadership roles, that approach has not changed.
I listen.
I evaluate.
Then I decide based on what I believe is best for the firm.
Do I sometimes react initially? Of course.
But I do not decide in reaction.
I widen the field before narrowing it.
Over the years I have seen what happens when ego skips that step.
Leaders stop listening to advisors because they are convinced their way is right.
Experts get sidelined because their input complicates the plan.
Long time employees begin to believe they are the firm instead of part of it.
And the pattern is predictable.
When ego filters information, the success rate declines.
You stop seeing risk.
You stop seeing alternatives.
You start protecting identity instead of protecting outcomes.
Playing for the Right Name
You see it in sports constantly.
Teams full of talented individuals chasing statistics rarely win championships.
The teams that win are the ones that check their ego at the stadium entrance.
They play for the name on the front of the jersey.
Firms are no different.
The moment someone thinks, “They will not survive without me,” the focus shifts from institution to individual.
That shift weakens the organization.
The firm is its people. That is true.
But no individual is bigger than the entity.
Not a rainmaker.
Not a partner.
Not the managing shareholder.
If we build correctly, the organization moves forward without any one of us.
That is not diminishing.
That is durability.
The Desk
Every day I sit behind Marvin Alloy’s desk.
The same desk he sat behind when I interviewed here as a temp.
Back then I was on the other side of it.
I have had opportunities to replace it.
I chose not to.
That desk reminds me that this role existed before me.
And one day someone else will sit here.
Leadership is a position.
Not ownership.
Seeing the Whole Field
Ego has a place.
You need belief to grow.
You need confidence to compete.
You need conviction to decide.
But ego becomes dangerous when it stops listening.
When it delays responsibility.
When it ignores expertise.
When it confuses personal importance with institutional health.
I learned early that you handle your responsibilities before you go play.
That has not changed.
Make the list.
Put the best team in the room.
Listen before you decide.
Play your position.
Because leadership is not about being the hero.
It is about building something strong enough to win and strong enough to last long after you have stepped off the field.
